


Always Love You

by LittleSweetCheeks



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Canon Death, Closeted Character, Drunk Sex, F/M, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Non-Canon Death of a significant character, Secret Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-21
Updated: 2017-11-21
Packaged: 2019-02-05 03:39:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12786150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSweetCheeks/pseuds/LittleSweetCheeks
Summary: Sometimes the journey will destroy you.





	Always Love You

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a song fic for the Song Always Love You by Dolly Parton but somewhere along the way it took a turn.
> 
> A second part to this story is already in the works.

It had been a mistake, she knew that.

==

Penelope Garcia had always admired the slim, toned body of her boss. That body, dressed up in fitted suit and perfectly knotted ties had always made her wonder exactly how he would be in the sack. Even when he was happily married and a soon-to-be father, she’d wondered.

And then that marriage fell apart, wife and son leaving, and it made her wonder again. Maybe he wasn’t as wild or passionate as her imagination had decided. Maybe he was stifled and stiff, just like he could be at work. But she’d seen him relax, smile, laugh even. But would a woman really leave a man so passionate over something as trivial as a busy work schedule?

As his life unraveled, Penelope pushed out of her mind those inappropriate thoughts and focused being a good friend, the best kind of friend. She sat with him when he couldn’t handle the loneliness, talked to fill the air when he needed to banish the silence, and held him and let him hold her when he needed that touch of another person.

And then, months after they lowered those caskets into the ground. After he vanished for weeks from them without a trace, he began to cling to someone new.

Aaron Hotchner returned to the team, a broken, hollow version of himself. Penelope struggled with the haunted look that always lingered in his eyes. He didn’t joke or smile anymore and no one pressed him on it. Locals in the towns they traveled to would shy away from him and avoid meeting his eyes. Whispers followed the team everywhere.

It seemed they were all marked now.

Tears had filled Garcia’s eyes the first time she caught Hotch wrapped tightly around Reid in his office. They were only embracing, older wrapped like some sort of octopus around the younger, eyes closed and tears slipping out as he breathed shallowly. It was clearly so much more than what she’d had with him and she wondered if they would be okay together, just the two of them.

For a year, any time she saw them, she averted her eyes. Spencer hadn’t known about her arrangement with their boss, no one on the team did, so he wouldn’t have understood the pain he would have seen in her eyes if he’d caught her watching them.

A year after that first time she found them in the office, she discovered them in an entirely different way.

The team was in Dayton on a case and Garcia had gotten a room next to Reid’s with adjoining doors. At the end of their stay, she had been readying for bed for their final night when a noise caught her attention through the flimsy door. It hadn’t taken much to work the separating door open and in the dim light of the next room, she caught them without either of them being any the wiser. Reid had been on his back, legs wrapped around Hotch’s waist as the older man stroked in and out of his ass. Garcia had swallowed back a soft sound as she’d watched the two of them moving together until the finally came. Carefully, Penelope had eased the door back shut before crawling into her own bed and curling into a ball.

==

Six months passed before the team had gone out to a bar after a horrible case filled with a dozen dead children. Reid had been in Vegas with his mother, not that anyone besides Garcia knew that there should be extra concern for their leader with the young genius gone, and out of concern, JJ and Prentiss had bodily forced Hotch to the bar with them.

As the evening had worn on, the team started to break apart and head home until it was just herself and her boss sagging into a booth in the back. Somewhere after midnight, two lonely people in a booth became two lonely people in a shared cab and then two sad, lonely people stumbling out of the bitter cold and into her warm apartment.

She wanted it. She knew it would tear Reid’s heart apart, but by god, she wanted it.

Large, clumsy hands pawed at her, fumbling to undress her as a warm tongue licked along her neck and jaw. He smelled of scotch and smoke as she ran her hands through his hair. “Bedroom.” He mumbled, slurring the single words. His hands had found their way, finally, under her skirt and up until they met soft silk.

“This way.” She whispered, taking him by the arm and leading him, stumbling, to the bed. She watched him watch in awe as she undressed, his well pressed slacks tenting obscenely. She briefly wondered what it would take to make him come like that, still in his suit. Coming undone while still so buttoned up. Shoving that thought aside, Garcia started stripping him, piece by piece, until he was completely naked. His thick scars exposed to her for the first time ever.

His eyes never left her body as she closed the distance between them, stopping only once his dark cock was bumping against her hip. Gently, she wrapped her left hand around and began to pump him, watching as his eyes rolled back and he gasped. Taking that as permission to continue, Penelope dropped to her knees and guided the head of his prick into her mouth, sucking and licking it until drops of precome fell to her tongue.

Rising back to her feet, she nudged him back until he was seating on her bed, pushing again until he understood and moved up, reclining back on pillows. Gripping his cock once again, Penelope carefully impaled herself on him, moaning at the intrusion. He was thick, thicker than anyone she’d ever been with. The stretch burned as she slowly adjusted.

When she could breathe again, Garcia pitched forward, hands gripping his shoulders as she began to ride him. Mesmerized, Aaron’s hands came up to cradle her breasts, lifting his head to suckled her nipples hungrily. The feel of his mouth on her breast pushed Penelope over the edge and, with a cry, she began to come, him still pumping in and out of her. A moment later, his arms were around her waist and he was rolling them, boxing her in as he held himself over her, fucking her as hard as he could.

When he finally came, it was with a passion she’d never witnessed before. His head down against her shoulder, he’d kept on until he was totally spent, his full weight finally sagging onto her as he passed out.

==

As the sun started peeking through the curtains the following morning, Penelope woke to the feeling of a hard cock grinding into her hip. Aaron was back on top of her, sleepily humping until she slipped one hand down and guided him in.

Without a sound, they fucked each other until they were both coming and a sob broke free from his chest before he stumbled off the bed, gathering his rumpled suit as he worked to flee her apartment.

He’d been just as passionate as she’d imagined all those year before. Penelope spent the day in bed, wondering just how badly they’d screwed up.

==

As weeks carried on, it became obvious to her that Hotch never admitted to Reid what had happened between them. The two men seemed to be happy together, good for one another. She could see it now, the affection, the love they had for the other. She wondered how she’d missed it before.

Hotch was very…normal with her after their night.

He didn’t avoid her and didn’t bring it up; it was if the whole thing had been only in her head. And she might have convinced herself of that until those two little lines appeared.

==

The next time the team was out to dinner, JJ had baby Henry along and Garcia couldn’t help but holding her godson on her knee. Glancing around the group, she wondered if they could tell. People always said women had a glow about them… “Doesn’t he just make you want to have more?” She’d asked no one in particular, but aimed, more or less, at Hotch.

JJ and Morgan had laughed, Prentis and Rossi had exchanged soft smiles, and Reid had shrugged noncommittally. Only Hotch actually answered the question. “No.”

“No?” She forced herself to act disinterested in the answer. Just making conversation.

“I- I could never go through that again.” His eyes cut to Spencer. “I can’t let myself be put in that position again.”

Tears burned the back of her eyes for the remainder of the evening as she kept her head low, pretending to be absorbed by the small boy in her lap. When JJ had taken her son back at the end of their night and had noticed the watery look to her eyes, Penelope assured her she was just tired.

The next day, Penelope went shopping for clothing that would conceal instead of enhance. If she could just make it to leave, then she could afford the time off before finding a new job.

==

Months passed and Penelope had made sure no one suspected until the day came that instead of heading to work, she was headed to the hospital. She didn’t call any of the team, who were working a case locally in the District, she simply called in to the Agent responsible for all of the analysts to be sure the team would be covered.

Hotch had been surprised when speed dial one got him Danny, a float analyst, instead of Garcia. “Where’s Penelope?” He demanded.

“Oh, uh.” Danny tried to think and then remembered. “I think she went into labor they said. So, I’m covering while she’s having her baby.”

“What? Garcia’s not pregnant!” He was confused and a little upset that this was who was supposed to help them on this case. If this man could get something so simple wrong. “Patch me through to Agent Donahue.” The woman oversaw the analyst pool as well as the ones assigned to specific units.

“Agent Hotchner, what can I do for you?” The woman’s clipped accent came down the line minutes later.

“Analyst….Danny. He couldn’t give me a straight answer about Garcia. I didn’t know she was out today.”

“Oh. I assumed she looped you in directly. As of today, she’s on maternity leave. I had a message about three this morning that she was headed to the hospital with contractions.”

“But…she’s not pregnant.”

“What?”

“She’s…she never said she was pregnant. I didn’t know.” He glanced at where the rest of the team was openly eavesdropping now. “I don’t think anyone on the team knew Garcia was pregnant.” The round of gasps and surprised ‘what’s confirmed that they didn’t know either.

“I’m sorry, Hotch.” The woman said. “If I had known, I would have called you directly.”

“What… Do you know what hospital she’s delivering at?”

“She didn’t say. I’m sorry.”

“Thanks.” He hung up and started at the rest of his team.

“Well?” JJ finally prompted.

“Garcia apparently reported she wouldn’t be at work at around three this morning as she was headed to the hospital in labor.” He frowned. “Did anyone know?” He watched them all shake their head. “Donahue didn’t know which hospital she went to.”

Emily glanced at her watch. “So, she’s been alone having a baby for…like six hours?”

“Probably more.” JJ replied. “Assuming she waited at home a while like they tell you too, until contractions are close, but still…”

Hotch let out a deep sigh. “Let’s finish this case and then we’ll figure out where she is.”

As the team split up, Rossi approached his friend. “You know what we need to track Penelope?”

“Yeah, Penelope.”

==

It was past dinnertime when the team was finally free of their case and able to scare an analyst enough to find Garcia’s location.

As a group, they’d descended on the postpartum floor of the hospital only to be stopped by a nurse who didn’t bat an eye at the sight of them.

“Give me all your names and I’ll ask my patient if she wants to see any of you and if she says no, you better respect that. Got it?” She waited for six nods to the affirmative before collecting the list and vanishing through the doors. Several minutes later, she returned with a frown. “She only wants to see one of you tonight, asks if everyone else can wait till visiting hours tomorrow.” She glanced at the paper. “Rossi?” She scanned the group, surprised when the oldest man stepped forward, but then not really surprised either. “Follow me.”

Dave stepped into the hospital room and stared silently at the young woman propped up in bed, a bundle in her arms wearing a blue hat. When she looked up at him, he gave her a warm smile and stepped forward. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

Without answering, she held the baby out. “You can hold him.”

Dave took the newborn and sat down before looking at him, glad he did because the unmistakable blank gaze of his best friend stared back up at him in miniature. “Oh, Kitten.” Her sniffles made him look up. “He doesn’t know.” It was a statement of fact.

“He can’t know. I can’t put him through that again.”

His eyes widened. “You already knew you were pregnant that night.”

“Yeah.”

“This is…big. Once he sees him, he’ll know.”

“I don’t want him to see him.”

“But…how?”

“I can be discharged in the morning, before the team turns up for visiting hours. I just…I just need a place to lay low for a while.” She saw him start to object and hurried on. “Everyone will come to my apartment to meet the baby and… It was just one night, we’d been drinking.” Tears filled her eyes. “I found a position working for a private company. I can take my leave with the Bureau and then start with them once he’s old enough for daycare.”

Dave stared down at the baby again, his chest squeezing as he debated what to do. “When he finds out, and he will, this could very well destroy him, Penelope.”

“I know.” Her voice was soft.

He drew in a deep breath. “You can come stay at my place for a while. But.” He waited until she met his gaze. “When you turn in your notice, you need to give it to Aaron in person.” When she nodded, he changed the subject. “So, does this little prince have a name yet?”

“I was thinking… Carter Joseph.”

His brows rose. “I take it you’ll give him Garcia as his surname then?”

She picked at her blanket. “Yeah.”

“Carter was Aaron’s mother’s family name.” He watched her face. “But you knew that. And you knew how important family names and traditions are to someone like him.” He stood, handing the baby back to his mother. “Well, you and Carter are welcome at my place.”

“Thank you.”

==

To not overwhelm their friend, Hotch had gotten them to agree that he would stop by, alone, the next day to see her and then would report back as to when she wanted more visitors. So, at precisely ten the following morning, Hotch was standing at the nurses’ desk once again as the day nurse explained that Miss Garcia and her baby had been discharged that morning early. He couldn’t believe she’d managed to slip away and go home without saying anything to anyone. Walking out of the hospital, he tapped his phone to ring her cell, frowning when it went to voicemail before deciding that maybe mother and new baby were simply asleep.

He drove to her apartment and knocked on her door, listening intently to the silence inside. Finally taking a deep breath, he dialed someone who might know.

“How is she?” Morgan answered by asking.

“She was already checked out when I got there.”

“What?”

“I’m at her apartment now, but I don’t think she’s here either. Do- Do you have a spare key to her place?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there in a bit.” Twenty minutes later, Derek found Hotch sitting against Garcia’s front door. “Still no sign of her?”

“No.” He pushed up. “I don’t know where else she would go.” He waited for the younger man to open the apartment. The main room was tidy. There were signs of preparations for a new baby, but no diaper bag, no diapers. As the pair searched, Morgan called out from the kitchen that the fridge and freezer were empty, no perishables were lying around.

“So, it looks like she’s planning on being gone a while.”

“But why?” Morgan asked. “We would be there to support her, why vanish?”

“I don’t know.” He frowned as he followed Morgan out, watching him lock the door behind them.

==

Dave looked up from his newspaper as Penelope shuffled into the kitchen. “Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

She yawned. “Probably. I just got CJ to sleep though and I’m hungry. Do you mind if I make something?”

He stood, waving her away from the fridge and to a chair. “I’ll make it. CJ, huh?”

“Do you like it?”

“I don’t think my opinion matters.” He turned when she didn’t reply and saw her expectant look. “Yes, I think it’s perfect.” Once he had a small meal assembled, Dave rejoined her at the table. “How come you didn’t tell anyone you were expecting?”

Penelope shrugged. “Hotch and I were friends…sort of, you know, after everything that happened. But then he got really close with someone else.” She began to work on her food. “Like I said, it was a mistake.”

Abandoning his fork, Dave pulled his chair up to hers, taking both her hands. “The situation may not have been perfect and this may be harder than it needed to be, but I promise you, nothing about CJ is a mistake. Okay?”

She nodded and then looked up when Rossi’s phone rang.

Pulling it out, he checked the screen. “It’s Hotch.” He told her, standing to walk into the next room. “Hey, Aaron, what’s up?”

“I went to the hospital, but Garcia was already gone. I wanted to let you know before you drove over there.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.” Hotch sighed. “Morgan and I just left her apartment, she wasn’t there either. It looked like she isn’t planning on being back anytime soon either.”

“You went inside?”

“Morgan had her spare key.” Dave could hear the frown through the connection. “She always carried on about how we were all family…I just don’t get it.”

“Well, maybe she just needed some space, Aaron. Give her time.”

“Time. Okay, yeah.”

==

By the time Penelope and CJ moved out six weeks later, Dave had gotten used to having someone to come home to. He’d gotten used to the sounds of the baby and his musical swing and he’d really gotten used to settling down in his big easy chair every evening with CJ nestled in his arms as he fell asleep. They’d discussed, he and Garcia, about the new job she was starting and the new apartment she had started moving to. He just hadn’t been quite ready to walk in the door at dinnertime to find his big old house empty and silent.

After about a week of radio silence, Garcia had started calling and texting the rest of the team, coming up with excuses as to why they couldn’t meet the baby in person just yet, but promising to bring him by as soon as she was able. In place of the real thing, she’d quietly asked each of her friends to not burden Hotch with showing him photos of little CJ, didn’t want to make him upset about what he’d lost she told them.

Days before it was time for her to start her new job, Penny agreed to meet up with JJ, Emily, and Morgan at the park for lunch and a sort of playdate and to meet the baby. After much debating, she’d pulled a warm hat over CJ’s head to hide his dark hair. Thankfully, none of her friends seemed to suspect a thing and expressed their excitement over her new family status and new, more predictable, job.

That evening, she steeled herself, as she dropped CJ off with _Nonno_ and pointed her car one last time toward the base, her resignation letter in hand. The last time she’d talked to Hotch had been the day before she’d delivered their son and she wasn’t looking forward to what was sure to be a very hard reunion.

A flash of her badge and she was carefully walking through the halls and up the elevator until she was hovering right outside the glass doors of the BAU. The bullpen was dark, all of the agents were long gone now, and the only light seemed to come from a single office up on the catwalk. Drawing in a deep breath, Penelope pulled the door open and made her way around the perimeter of the room, climbing the three stairs until she was standing in his doorway again. In that moment, it felt like no time had passed at all, watching him leaned over a stack of paperwork. She gently tapped on his door.

“Come in.” He called out without looking up. When no one entered, he finally raised his head. “Penelope.” He was surprised to see her as he stood, motioning to a chair. “Please, come in.” His eyes ran over her body. “How are you?”

Nervously, she took a seat. “Good. I’m good.”

When she didn’t continue, he asked. “And the baby? CJ, is it?”

“He’s- he’s good too. Growing, getting big.”

“That’s good.” He chewed the corner of his lip a bit. “I was a little surprised when I found out you were in labor. I would have thought you could have come to me and told me. I’m sorry if I did anything that made you feel you had to hide it.”

“It… I just, after what happened? With, you know… I didn’t want you to feel like I was rubbing it in.”

He ducked his head. “I wouldn’t have, not with you anyway. A baby should be celebrated and we would have loved to meet the father who gets to help raise a child with you.”

“Oh, there’s…It’s just me.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. So, where is CJ tonight then?”

“He’s…I dropped him off with Rossi. He’s teaching CJ to call him Nonno. I wanted to come here and give you this.” She finally pulled out the envelope and placed it on his desk. “Look. I know we’re friends and we were close and everything, but…you’re with Spencer…”

He sat up ramrod straight. “I’m not gay.”

She nodded. “I’m not a good compartmentalizer like you are and seeing the two of you as…friends, whatever you are… I just can’t do that every day. I think a small part of me has always been a little attracted to you and I know we can’t ever… I have a new job lined up and it has better hours for being a parent and it’s decent pay. Less photos of dead people.”

“You’re not coming back.”

“No. I’m sorry, really I am. I just… I’ve seen you and Spencer together and there’s something there, I don’t want to end up in the way and for you both to resent me.” She sniffed. “Just, could you do something? For me?”

“Anything.”

“Find a way to be happy again? Maybe you and Spence can find it together one day.”

“I’m not…”

“Gay.” She cut off. “Yeah, you said. But the hotel room in Dayton tells a different story.” She saw understanding blossom across his face. “Keep an open mind with it.” She stood and started to walk away, turning back at the door. “I’ll miss you, Aaron.”

As he watched her leave through the dark bullpen, he answered. “I’ll miss you too.”

==

For six months, Dave juggled keeping the secrets he knew from the family he’d built and spending time with his surrogate daughter and grandson. He could see that the loneliness was getting to Penelope despite her new job being full of people she had lots in common with. She was as homesick as she could be without ever really leaving home. At the same time at work, he had to deal with Aaron going through a series of moods ranging from depression to anger to something else even more unpleasant.

The team had travelled to Arizona for a particularly hard case, the kind they didn’t get all too often but left the wrung out and desperately in need of time off. It had fallen over the anniversary of Haley and Jack’s death, a time Aaron had always taken off work in the past. Rossi had run interference between his long-time friend and the locals he was constantly snapping at. He’d even caught Reid trying repeatedly to pull him away from confrontation after confrontation which had led to the pair getting into a heated argument behind a closed door at the station.

Dave had had enough.

Once the team was back in Virginia and headed to their own homes, Rossi stormed into Hotch’s office, slamming the door shut. “What’s up with you lately?”

“What?” Hotch leaned back in his seat.

“You! Were you trying to get a complaint filed against you? You went against every rule we have for dealing with locals out there?” His phone beeped in his pocket, but he ignored it. “Come on, it’s me, Aaron! You can talk to me about anything!”

Aaron sagged. “I can’t.” He finally looked up when Dave’s phone beeped again. “I’m sorry.”

“Why can’t you? There was a time when you could tell me anything.”

“This is different.”

“How, Aaron? What is it that you can’t share with me?” His phone beeped once more. “Please. Talk to me.”

“Aren’t you going to answer that?”

“No, I…It’s Penelope. CJ’s been sick and she’s overtired and stressed out. I told her I’d stop by when we landed.” He waited for a reaction from the younger man. “But I can’t leave until I know what’s going on.”

Aaron swallowed hard. “Spencer is mad at me. Pissed at me.”

“Why?” He watched Aaron’s eyes lower to the desktop. “Aaron. Why?”

“Because he’s tired of it being a secret.”

Dave’s brows furrowed. “What a secret?”

Frustrated that Rossi wouldn’t just let it go, he snapped back, going for shock value. “That I’ve been fucking him senseless for over two years.” He leveled a heated glare at his mentor.

“Oh.” Dave finally sank into a chair. “You and Reid…”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.” His phone beeped again and he swore under his breath, finally pulling it out to check the messages with a frown. “Shit.”

“Problem?”

“You know what, yes. And I may go to hell for this, but oh well.” Pulling out his wallet, he tugged a photo free and laid it on the desk. “His name isn’t CJ, that’s a nickname.”

“Okay.” Aaron stared at the picture that still had Dave’s hand covering it. “And?”

“His given name is Carter Joseph, Aaron.” He waited till the younger man looked up before moving his hand away. “And I’m fairly certain his father is an idiot.”

Aaron picked up the photo, taken professionally by the looks of it and stared at a chubby baby with a head of thick, dark hair and familiar eyes. In an instant, he gasped. “He looks like Jack.” He saw Dave nod. “My god…We…we got drunk once. He’s…he’s mine, isn’t he?”

“Like I said, an idiot. Now, he’s got a fever and he’s cranky and his mother hasn’t slept decent in a few days. She could really use a little help right now.”

He was up and pulling on his coat before Rossi finished talking. “Can you text me her new address?”

“Of course.”

Neither took notice of the photo left behind on the desk.

==

Penelope had been pacing her small living room for what felt like hours trying to calm CJ down. Rossi had texted to assure her he was on his way a while ago and she was expecting him to waltz in any minute. When a knock sounded on her door, she rolled her eyes and called out over the crying. “Come in! Why are you even knocking, Weirdo!” She headed to greet him. “Come on, CJ, Nonno is here.” She watched the door open. “Look it’s…Aaron.” Her jaw dropped. “Why are you here?”

Hotch shut the door and nervously folded his hands. “Dave…told me.”

“No…”

“He gave me a picture and told me and said…I’m here to help, Garcia.”

“No! Look at you! You can’t even call me by my first name! You never even acknowledged that we slept together! How do you think you can help me now?”

“I didn’t know. I’m sorry.” The wailing increased and Aaron stepped forward. “Please? May I see my son?”

“You may have been there for the conception, but he’s not your son.”

Tears welled up in his eyes as he nodded. “Please?”

Mentally swearing to destroy Dave, Penelope closed the gap, bringing CJ closer to Aaron. “He’s been sick and it’s just been a mess.”

==

“May I?” He held out his hands, asking again.

After a moment, she passed him CJ. “I don’t know if he’s just teething or if something else is wrong. He has an appointment for tomorrow with the pediatrician.”

Aaron was almost speechless. Where Jack had been blonde and fair like Haley, CJ was the opposite, but the resemblance beyond that was striking. “Why don’t I just hold him for a bit? You can take a little break.”

“I’m fine.” She huffed. “I’ve been doing this almost on my own from the beginning, you know.”

“I know.” He was bouncing slightly now, shifting the boy around until they found a comfortable spot and the crying lessened.

She watched them for a long minute. “A shower sounds really good actually, are you sure you want to do this?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“You were…you were so certain you never wanted to risk having another child again.”

Aaron felt a fresh lump form in his throat. “We’re okay.” Once she left them alone, Aaron began to walk his son, _their son_ he thought to himself, around the room. The shelves were lined with photos of Penelope with CJ, the boy on his own, CJ again and again with Dave, as well as a couple with some of the members of the team. There were older photos too, ones of the team on their nights out, having a good time. Everyone was represented somewhere, Aaron realized, except himself. Nowhere could he see that CJ had ever been shown a picture of him. It made his heart break.

Bouncing the baby some more, Aaron lifted him up enough to press a kiss into his hair, just like he used to with Jack. It brought the tears back in earnest, remembering his first-born son. He had no idea how he was going to handle being a father all over again, but he was determined to provide in every way Penelope would let him.

Garcia returned, refreshed, just as CJ began to fuss again. “Now, that cry I know.” She gently took him back, settled on the couch. “He’s hungry.” She told him, waiting for the moment understanding dawned on Aaron as a blush rose up his neck and he turned away.

“Sorry.”

“Just…give me two seconds and it will be all good.” Once child and blanket were arranged, she spoke again. “Okay, you’re safe. He does like to pull the blanket though, so be warned.”

Aaron nodded, taking a seat in a chair across from her.

“How are you, Aaron?”

“Good. Well, that’s not strictly true.” He ducked his head. “Spencer and I are…were still together.”

“Were?”

He shrugged. “He’s been upset lately over me not being willing to tell the rest of the team about us.”

“I guess it would be hard to tell everyone when you’re not gay.” He was here, she wasn’t about to hold back on account of his feelings.

‘Maybe… Maybe I’m somewhere in the middle.” He finally looked back up at her. “I loved Haley and I…I don’t know what I am with you, honestly, but you were always there and I don’t exactly make it a habit of sleeping with my just friends. But then Spencer…”

“But you slept with Spencer and you were just friends with him.”

“I don’t know. Lately I’ve started to wonder if I wasn’t just in love with him all along and didn’t know it. I am terrified that after our last fight he’ll want out for good.”

“This is why we can’t do this, you know. You have this life started with him and no matter what you are, he’s all in.” She shook her head. “And I’m not about to be the runner up again because someone else got tired of you and you’re lonely.”

Her words cut at him. “I know.”

“The only person left now who hasn’t seen CJ is Reid, I knew the moment he laid eyes on him in person, he’d see it. Just like you did when you saw the photo.” She swallowed, glancing down at her son. “I’m not sure I’m okay right now with him knowing you’re his father, but I guess if you want to get to know him just as an adult in his life, we could do that.”

“I’ll take what you’ll let me have.”

==

When nine A.M. rolled around, Reid looked around the bullpen before catching JJ’s attention. “Hotch isn’t in yet?” He was worried the older man had been more upset about their fight than he’d realized.

“Dunno. His door’s ajar, but I haven’t seen him.” She glanced around before standing. “Well, come on. I’m not going to be nosy alone.”

He hopped up and scurried behind her into the dark office, glancing around in case they were spotted. “Nothing looks out of the ordinary.”

“No. Files are out, but that’s about…oh!”

“Oh?” He turned to her.

She held something up. “There’s a photo of CJ here.” She handed it over.

Spencer stared at the shot, it was the clearest picture of his friend’s son he’d seen. “Are you sure this is CJ?”

JJ chuckled. “Of course, Spence. Who else would it be?”

He rounded the desk and pulled open a drawer, removing a picture of Jack and held them both up side by side. “Look.”

She gasped, covering her mouth. “They could almost be twins.”

“Or…at least brothers.” His mind started to do the math. He and Aaron had been together over two years but CJ was only about nine months old. “I think CJ is Hotch’s baby.”

“No… Penelope would have told us, wouldn’t she? And Hotch’s never said a word.”

“I know, he hasn’t. It seems secrets are his forte.” He frowned.

“What’s going on?” A voice demanded from the doorway.

The two agents turned to find their boss frowning deeply at them, dressed suspiciously in the previous day’s suit.

In an instant, Aaron spotted the photos in Spencer’s hands and felt the color drain from his face.

==

Penelope stared down at her son sleeping in his crib and frowned. For her entire pregnancy she’d been _sure_ the best course of action was to raise her child alone and then once he’d been born she’d been absolutely certain Hotch would never want to be a part of the boy’s life.

But then he turned up and didn’t leave. He’d stayed the whole night offering to help, but never once touching CJ without first asking permission. And then, at a time she knew was when he was usually at work, he stayed and drove them to the pediatrician, waiting in the car until they were done. When he’d finally left for work, Aaron had asked if it would be okay to come back again that evening.

Her certainty had started to waiver.

Leaving the nursery, Penelope decided to shelve her confusion over Aaron for the time being and deal with her anger at being betrayed by Dave. Collecting her phone, she dialed his cell.

Rossi took one look at his caller ID and winced. “Hello, Penelope.”

“Don’t you hello me. After everything, you betrayed me.”

“I’m...”

She cut him off. “How could you tell him about CJ? I was doing just fine without him! I didn’t need him.”

“He had a right to know. He’d been in a rough spot for a while and I didn’t know why and then you’d been texting me about CJ and I wanted to shake him loose.”

“So you had to give up the one secret I asked you to keep?”

Shouting from the next office made him look up in alarm. “Something’s going on, I need to go. Look, Penelope, I’m sorry. I really am.” The only answer he got was the silence of a disconnected call. Tossing it aside, he promised himself to sort it out later.

==

Spencer had watched the color leave his ex lover’s face. “It this for real?”

“Sorry?” Hotch asked softly.

Spencer held up the two photos. “Is CJ your baby?”

He nodded.

“How could you do this to me! Is it not bad enough that you refuse to admit we’re together?! You had to go out and sleep with someone female just to convince yourself you’re straight?!”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“No?!” He stalked forward finally, ignoring that JJ was still with them. “How long have you been seeing her? Huh?! Is that where you went when you left me?! Did you have to rush out and screw her to prove you’re straight?”

Aaron shook his head, taking a step back. His eyes drifted to where JJ was trying to blend into the wall. “Please, Spencer, not...”

“Not what?” He waved behind him. “Not in front of our teammate? Our friend? One of the people you claimed was your family?” He stepped forward as Aaron stepped back again. “Are you afraid she’ll look at you differently when she finds out we’ve been screwing around and loving it all this time?”

“I’m sorry.” He whispered.

“Is this why?” He held up CJ’s photo. “Did you not want to make us official because you knew you cheated on me? Did you make Garcia quit her job here to hide your secret?”

“No.” He answered over JJ’s gasp. “I- I didn’t know.”

“You didn’t know you were having an affair? Or, wait, was the real relationship with her all along and I was the side action?”

“I didn’t know...”

“Well, now know this, _Hotch_ , I’m done. I’m done being screwed around by you, I’m done being lied to and led on. I wonder what Strauss will have to say about this little revelation.” With that, Spencer stormed out of the office, shoving past Rossi who’d watched a good part of the altercation from the doorway.

Hotch turned, noting that the remainder of the team was openly watching from the bullpen below. Deciding on a course of action, he ignored both Dave and JJ and moved to sit behind his desk and at least pretend to look very busy. Maybe then everyone would refrain from the barrage of comments he knew they would start up.

JJ was unsure what to do next, but Dave wasn’t about to let his friend simply bury things she when the older man entered the office and took a seat, she sat beside him. When neither started talking, she broke the silence. “CJ’s really yours?”

Aaron tossed his pen aside and buried his face in his hands. “I didn’t know.”

“How?”

He sank back into his seat and let his head fall back. “I found out she was even pregnant when you guys did and I never saw him before last night. You guys never even left pictures around of him.”

“Oh.” She thought a minute. “Pen said she didn’t want you to be upset over losing Jack again if we gushed about CJ. What changed last night?”

“I told him.” Dave spoke up. “Right about the time he admitted to me about Reid.”

“I only spent one night with Gar- Penelope. It was a mistake and I was ashamed so after that day I just pretended it hadn’t happened.”

“But you never came clean with Spence.”

Aaron shook his head. “He’s right, I’ve been lying to everyone and hurting everyone.”

“So...” JJ leaned forward in her chair. “You what? Went to Pen’s to make her let you see your son?”

“No. She’d been texting Dave for help because CJ was sick and I went instead. I got to hold him a couple times but... She doesn’t want CJ to know I’m his father.”

Rossi frowned, turning to the blonde. “Can you go catch up with Reid? I’ll stay here and try to iron things over.”

“Yeah. Sure.” She stood and started to leave, looking back after just a few steps. “We would have been happy for you, you know.” When he looked up confused, she clarified. “You and Spence. I can see it. We all would have been happy for you.”

==

When someone knocked on her door, Garcia shuffled to answer it nervously. She was surprised by who was standing in the hall. “Hey, you.”

Reid looked up and her nervously. “Hey. Can I come in?”

“Yeah, sure.” She stood back to let him in.

He stopped in the living room and looked around curiously. “Where’s, uh, where’s CJ?”

“He’s asleep. Finally.” She chewed her lip. “The doctor gave him some medicine to help and…he’s asleep. So. I guess Hotch told you then.”

“No.” When she gave him a confused look, he carried on. “He was late to work and I found CJ’s picture in his desk and started to put it together. By the time he turned up, it was really just to confirm it.”

“Oh.” She finally shuffled to the couch and sat down. “Look, Spencer, I’m sorry, I really am. And I never planned on him finding out, I didn’t want it to come between you guys.” She huffed. “I swore Rossi to secrecy, but apparently that wasn’t enough.”

“So… Aaron really didn’t know you were pregnant?”

Shaking her head, she sighed. “Not until everyone else did and before last night the only person who knew CJ was his was Rossi. I knew you guys were some sort of thing and I’d always had this crush on him? We got drunk once when you were out of town and he came home with me. He never even spoke of it again, it was like he was ashamed.”

The anger he’d arrived with started to fade. “It was just once?”

Garcia nodded.

After several minutes of silent contemplation, he sat beside her. “We’ve been fighting lately. He still didn’t want to admit we were a couple and then today… well…at the least JJ and Dave know now. And you know too I guess.”

“Morgan and Emily will know by the end of the day then.” She commented.

“Yeah.” When the silence stretched out, he spoke again. “I said some pretty horrible stuff to him.”

“When?” She turned to face him fully.

“Earlier. In his office. He cheated on me and…I’m not okay with that. I don’t want to be okay with that. You both lied to me by not coming clean about it and I have to wonder about his justifications for doing it. Fine, you two were drunk, but you admitted that on your end it was because you had a crush on him… But what was going through his head?”

“I don’t know sweetie. The only person who can answer that is him.” A cry came from down the hall and they both looked up as Garcia stood to get her son. “Hold on just a minute.”

Spencer waited until mother and son reappeared several minutes later.

“Spencer, I would like you to meet CJ Garcia, future boy wonder.” She turned the child around so he was facing him.

His breath caught, it was so obvious now that he couldn’t have missed it if he’d seen if before. “Nice to meet you CJ.” To her he spoke. “He looks exactly like Aaron.”

Her smile faltered. “Yeah, I know. It makes it hard.” She placed her son on a playmat on the floor. “Look, Spencer. I told Aaron he could know CJ as just a friend, but there’s something I didn’t tell him.”

He looked down as the boy began to bang blocks on the floor. “What’s that?”

“I got a job offer and I’m moving.”

“Where?”

“London. I’m moving at the end of the month.” She placed her hand on his arm. “I haven’t figured out how I’m going to sort things out now that he knows, but he wasn’t going to know and I was going to be gone and it wasn’t going to damage your relationship.”

“But now he knows…”

“I know.” She sighed. “Don’t shut him out, okay? Even if you two are over for good? Talk to him, for me? Please?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I can’t forgive this. But… I’ll try, okay?”

“Okay.”

Later, after Reid had left and CJ had had his dinner, Penelope dug through her closet until she found the photo album filled with all the photos she hadn’t wanted to decorate the apartment with, the ones with reminders of Hotch in them. Settled into bed, she pulled the book close and began to flip through the pages, wondering how it all fell apart.

==

Aaron stayed holed up in his office until Dave returned later in the day to tell him Spencer had not, in fact, gone to Strauss, but had left the building and hadn’t been seen since. There was a small moment of relief before his mentor went on to share that the whole bullpen had heard the argument between he and Reid and he was well and truly out of the closet on both fronts. The jury was still out on whether the rest of the team was more upset he felt the need to hide the relationship, that he’d cheated on the young genius, or that Penelope had hidden everything. Dave had then told him to give them all time and wait for them to come to Aaron.

But it wasn’t one of them who found him at his apartment later that night, it was his former lover.

“Spencer? What are you doing here?” He let him in.

“I- I went to see Garcia.”

“What?” He started to panic, mind racing through what could have happened between them.

“Aaron.” He reached out and closed the distance. “It’s okay. We talked and… I got to meet CJ finally.”

“Oh.”

“She made me promise to talk to you and really listen to you, but…I’m not sure I can go back to there being an us, you and I. Okay?”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “Okay.”

“Can I- I have one question. Why her? Why then?”

Aaron shrugged. “I don’t know really. She’d always been there for me and I guess I figured I could trust her to stop me if she thought I was going too far. But then…” He frowned. “I swear I didn’t know, Spencer.”

“She told me.”

“She did?”

“Yeah. Look, I can eventually forgive you and I don’t want to mess up the team, but I can’t carry on like this didn’t happen. I’m sorry you’ve been outed at work because of all this, Aaron. It wasn’t my intention.”

“I know and I understand.” Hotch choked up slightly.

Unsure what else to say, Spencer nodded and let himself out, leaving Aaron completely alone.

 


End file.
